PLSO Oregon Surveyor Nov/Dec 2019

Professional Land Surveyors of Oregon | www.plso.org 21 B efore we get started on this tale of violence and woe, I would like to make it clear that Bob and Jaya, two characters in this story, are strict- ly fictional in every aspect. It may be true that I do have a crew chief named Bob and the baddest (in the good way) sub-90 pound instrument person in the world named Jaya working for me, but this story is not about them in any way, it is about a completely fictional crew chief named Bob and a fictional Jaya, the baddest sub-90 pound instrument per- son in the fictional world. I would also like to let you know that since I ammore likely than not going to get reported to OSBEELS for my role in this gruesome tale, I am writing this article as both a response to the complaint that is going to be lodged against me at OSBEELS and for your entertainment as well. With the economy booming and surveyors being overworked, one needs to maximize one’s efforts wherever possible and if one can kill two birds with one article... That’s quite enough stalling so let’s now get to the Battle of Canby. The mid-morning phone call from a crew member is rarely a good thing, and this particular call was no different. “Hey Bob, what’s up?” I had to ask, there is always a chance this call could defy all expectations. I am tru- ly and always an optimist. “Hey Lee, how is your day going?” Dang, bad news. If a crew chief is asking about your day it almost always means that their day is going worse and your day is about to become much worse. “Well Bob, I had a meeting with the Ital- ian lawyers. It was brutal. The leather chairs made rude noises when you sat in them and the Chianti they served had oaky overtones and hints of chocolate and you know how I like my Chianti with chocolate overtones and a hint of oak.” I tell my crews these things as a morale raising exercise. I know they think they have the hardest job at the company but having a surveying license doesn’t mean that we don’t have a harder day than they do on occasion. (This type of response is the essence of being a good manager. I learned this at the Annual PLSO Confer- ence taking one of those hour-and-a-half professional development classes.) “That is so.... nice to hear, Lee. Do you want to hear the good news, the better news or the best news first?” “Any order you want, Bob. This is your phone call.” “Well, the good news is that the job in Can- by is completed and we are going to have time to go to the Horwitz job and finish the last of the traverse this afternoon.” “That is certainly good news.” I said apprehensively. “The better news is the job went really well, we found all the corners, the lines are staked, our client doesn’t have to tear his fence down and the customer is happy.” “That means we are going to get paid and we will be considered geniuses by our cli- ents! Yahtzee!!” I said. “And the best news?” “We weren’t arrested!” “That is always a plus, Bob. Was there ever a question that you were going to get ar- rested this morning?” “We will talk about this when I get back to the office, but you need to clear the line because you are going to get a lot of phone calls this morning and if they don’t get through quickly, then they will just get that much more angry. Bye!!” “Bye Bob. Thanks for all you do for me.” “Bye Lee, and we will talk about all I do for you later vis-a-vis my compensation package.” That was one of those phone calls that always spices up our professional lives. Perhaps I should get myself into a meet- ing or something, you know, an event where your administrative assistant says, “Lee is in such an important meeting that he must not be disturbed under any cir- cumstances whatsoever even if the entire galaxy is at risk of being invaded by sub- terranean poop people.” So I don’t have to deal with what is surely going to ruin the rest of my already brutal day. And then the phone rings... not just any old ring but an ominous ring with the stench of doom and a side order of trou- ble. I look at the phone number on caller ID and it is a phone number from Can- by. Great... “Township Surveys. May I help you?” I said with extra smile in my voice hoping to ward off the impending unpleasantness. “This is Acorn Lattimer and I demand to know just what kind of business are you running there? How can you allow your crewmen to break into my house with an ax and try to murder me?” “Ummmm... a land surveying business?”, I ventured hoping that this was a trick question, or maybe even a rhetorical question. It wasn’t... “I am pretty sure none of my crewmen have ever broken into anyone’s home, nor would they ever under any conceiv- able circumstance, and the crew doesn’t even carry axes. Besides, we have a strict company policy against murdering others with axes. It’s in our employee handbook so I am sure it didn’t happen.” The Battle of Canby By Featured Conference Speaker Lee Spurgeon, PLS Lecture: Friday, Jan 24 at 10:00 AM continues on page 22 T Featured Article