PLSO Oregon Surveyor Nov/Dec 2019

Professional Land Surveyors of Oregon | www.plso.org 23 anyone’s house... ever. That just didn’t happen.” I said firmly. “So, you are calling my son a liar. I am re- porting you to this OSBEELS! You are the type of person who thought Star Wars Ep- isodes one, two, or three are better than the first three, episodes four, five and six.” Did he just go straight to the nuclear op- tion on me? No diplomacy? No warning? No intermediate ramp up to full scale no holds barred total war? Perhaps I mis- heard him... “I’m sorry, did you just say...” “You heard me Jar Jar Binks fan boy!” I pride myself with never having hung up the phone on anyone ever before, because let’s face it, it’s just rude, but in this partic- ular instance, well, one can only be driven so low. “CLICK, hummmmmmmmmm” went the telephone. Dang, this guy is good. He beat me to it. While the CLICK from Mr. Latimer’s epic phone slam is still reverberating in the ceilings of my office, the phone rings again. This time, caller ID lets me see that the call originates from the Canby Police De- partment. The officer on the line is asking us for our cooperation in dealing with a complaint filed by a Mr. Oak Latimer for violating his and his son’s civil rights by failing to protect their home and family from a murderous home intrusion using an axe. Of course, they have our cooper- ation because I already know that Bob wasn’t arrested. I can hardly wait for Bob to get back in the office so I can find out what really happened. I could hear the crew’s truck pull into the parking lot a few hours later and when Bob and Jaya came into the office, they sat down in the seats directly across from my desk. “So Bob, what happened in Can- by this morning?” “Well, we finished most of our traverse and were having trouble finding our cli- ent’s northwest corner. The calculations I made came to a point on the other side of the fence, so we go next door, knock on it and I start giving the adjoining owner’s “number two” speech. After the first cou- ple of sentences, the guy who answered the door, a young teen answers and be- fore I can do anything, he says, “My Dad deals with this sort of thing,” then shuts the door somewhere between a forc- ible closure and a slam before I can give him the door hanger. I wait a minute or two and nothing happens. At that point, I opened the screen door, which didn’t have a knob to hang the door hanger and put the door hanger on the doorknob.” “And you did this in order to be in abso- lute and full compliance with ORS 672.047, Oregon’s right of entry law for land sur- veyors.” I asked? “Of course, that is exactly why I did it that way. Any other way would just be plain wrong.” “Okay, so far so good. So, what happened next?” “Police started coming from all directions with lights flashing and sirens blaring.” “So Bob, how many police were there?” “Several States’ worth of police officers. There were a lot of them. They had so many police officers they had to park their cars several blocks away.” “That doesn’t sound right. Canby can only have a half dozen officers on call at any time.” “They came from all over; Gladstone, Au- rora, Clackamas County, Oregon City, Hubbard, and even West Linn. I can’t be- lieve they made it there so fast.” I can believe it. I can only imagine how the police phone tree network operates on a case like this. “Hey Ernie, how are things going in West Linn?” “Kind of slow, Hank, it’s kind of you to ask though.” “No problem. Hey Ernie, how would you like to come out to Canby and help us with a little situation?” “I don’t know Hank. I’ve got a bit of an ear- ache and I thought I would stay in the car and check out the safety and security of our local Starbucks and espresso shops. You know, To Protect and to Serve”. “I’m sorry to hear that Ernie, it is kind of an unusual case.” “How so?” “It’s an axe murder in progress.” “I’M SO THERE!!!!!!! Don’t solve this case without me!” “Alright Bob, so what happens next?” I ask. “A police officer comes up to me, points his gun at me and tells me in his best command voice to drop the axe and lay face down on the ground.” “Why were you carrying an axe? You know we have a rule that strictly forbids axe murdering and attempted axemurdering.” “I know the rule about axe murdering and I wasn’t carrying an axe. I was carrying a range pole” answers Bob, more than a little bit indignantly. There seems to be some discrepancy on exactly what the arresting officer was like. Jaya described him as having the dream- iest blue eyes with the most awesome tattoos of baby dolphins. Bob described Officer Dreamy Blue Eyes slightly different- ly. Bob’s description was: “Nine millimeter Beretta, fifteen round magazine loaded with hollow points, 4.921 inch barrel with five lands and five grooves which have one and a half spiral to the left, held up with arms which were fully inked with tattoos of briny deep hell spawn flash- ing sardonic grins.” Bob failed to notice the officer’s eye col- or for some reason. “So, you are on the ground and you have dropped your axe, errrr, I mean range pole, what happened next?” I inquire. “The police got together in a sort of group hug and after showing more than a lit- tle disappointment in not finding an axe, went online and read ORS 672.047 and decided to let me go. They escort me to the corner so I can get the shot and they were also kind enough to put their own bodies between me and the kid in the house so that they would take the bul- let instead of me.” “It seems like it could have been a bit of a scary situation for you, Bob,” I replied. “Yeah it was, it is always a scary situation when someone points a gun at you.” Bob said earnestly. Realizing that Bob had a traumatic and harrowing experience, we treated this like we, as guy persons, are prone to do, by trying to make everything better by laughing, joking, and amusing ourselves at Bob’s expense. We handled it this way because we are guys and that’s what guys do. It shows we care. So in the end, the corner got tied, police officers from close to a dozen jurisdic- tions learned about Oregon’s Right of Entry Law and had decided it was their duty to protect the surveyor as we exer- cised our hard-won right to entry, and our client paid us on time. All in all, a pretty good day. Well except for the nervous tic Bob developed from the whole ordeal, but that dissipated over time, thanks to a generous dose of jesting aimed in his direction.  x Featured Article